Update!

I haven't updated in a while, I know. Things have been busy here and with the start up of a home daycare, I can't justify the time I use to spend on here anymore. I will try to update more often for those few friends who read here :) Thanks for still checking in on me.

Financially, things still stink here at home. Hence why I am doing daycare, to help pay bills. Or so I thought. It seems that a few of the parents don't feel like paying me. And there is always a good long list of excuses why they cannot. I was late on my car payment because of the non payment issue and that still peeves me off. I need to stop being so lazy and have them all sign a contract but since I am not licensed yet, I feel like I can't push the issue. Summer is fast approaching however, and the children will all be here full-time. If I am expected to house and feed them, shouldn't I get paid for my services?

That was the one big reason that I didn't want to watch other peoples children. I am not good with conflict/conflict of interests. Although I *know* that I should be paid on pay day every week, when I am not, I don't call or ask where it is. Most of the time, the parents don't stop by on payday to pick up their kids when they stiff me, they send a friend! Is it my place to call them up and remind them to stop by and pay me and to pay me in full even if they decide to not drop their kid off one day?
I am so stressed about this whole thing that I am thinking of getting a summer job, quitting daycare, and having my almost 15 year old babysit her siblings. Which is the last thing I want but I need to supplement somehow and if I work for a company/store/restaurant/whatever, I will be compensated, with no question as to whether or not I will receive my paycheck. Ugh!

Book plug

I just finished the best book I have read in a really long time. Its called, The Book of Names by Jill Gregory and Karen Tintori. Seriously a must read and can't put down book.

Here is a brief book overview:

Within each generation, there are thirty-six righteous souls. Their lives hold the key to the fate of the world. Now someone wants them dead.

When a childhood tragedy comes back to haunt Professor David Shepherd, he finds himself in possession of knowledge that holds the world in a delicate balance. He uncovers the Book of Names---an ancient text originating with the biblical Adam, and thought lost to history forever. By Kabbalistic tradition, the book contains the names of each generation’s thirty-six righteous souls---the Hidden Ones---by whose merits alone the world continues to exist. Legend holds that if all thirty-six Hidden Ones were eliminated, the world would meet its end.

When the Hidden Ones start dying of unnatural causes, the world grows increasingly unstable: war in Afghanistan, massive flooding in New York, brutal terrorist attacks in Melbourne, a tanker explosion in Iran. David finds himself battling against the Gnoseos, a secret religious sect whose goal is to destroy the world by eliminating all of the righteous souls. David’s involvement quickly turns personal when his stepdaughter’s name is discovered to be one of the endangered. With the help of a brilliant and beautiful Israeli ancient texts expert, David races to decipher the traditions of the Kabbalah to save the righteous souls, his stepdaughter, and perhaps the world.

Mel

my dang hotmail ain't working so I can't dig your email address out of there... I need to bend your ear..give me a shout at mhmerrill at suscom-maine.net.
Thankies
your amigo,
Heather

Destiny

Whats meant to be, is meant to be? Am I meant to be the momma of 5 kids? I could barely wrap my brain around the thought of having 4 in what seems like forever ago, but 5?!
And Sam is so needy...I ran to Wally tonight, which is a hop, skip, and a jump away from my house, within 10 minutes of being there M calls to tell me that Sam is screaming and crying uncontrollably. Now he was asleep when I left. Its like he has an internal clock telling him when I am more than 20 feet away from him. Doesn't help that the poor boy has the hives and can't figure out the trigger :(

Why did I get myself in this predicament? I know that I will have baby fever for the rest of my life, I have come to grips with that. I just don't think I can mentally and physically spread myself any thinner, or our finances. Mark and I will both be working til we are put in the ground, thats not a question. I just feel so discouraged with myself. And I feel bad that I can't see the potential blessing. I don't know anyone that doesn't see having 5 kids in this day and age as irresponsible and I shouldn't give a flying fig, but I do. I hate people to judge my family.
I really need to test, I know I do......

The book

does there exist a dumbed down version of the bible for people like me who cannot and do not have the time to decipher the text, but want to read it? Scripture is very confusing to me. :/

Okay so I forgot

about this blog, kinda. I have been really busy lately but I promise to get this up and running soon. I want this blog to be kid free. No rants about them, no bragging either.
A place for me to hash out things that are going on in my mind or just to give myself a virtual high five for things achieved.

One of the topics I hope to blog about will be my never ending(or so it seems), search for personal fulfillment and faith. A good friend has offered their hand in guidance and I hope she chimes in as much as she can.

Back to the future

Someone call Michael J. Fox and ask him if I can borrow his super cool time traveling car! I have a few big decisions on my plate, that need answers soon and I am so torn. I have no idea which direction to take. I have made lists of all the pros and cons, talked with M and friends(gotten someone elses points of view), and I still don't know what to do!
Whatever choices I decide to go with, they will all have a good impact on my life and future. Would be nice to get that nudge in the right direction!