Destiny

Whats meant to be, is meant to be? Am I meant to be the momma of 5 kids? I could barely wrap my brain around the thought of having 4 in what seems like forever ago, but 5?!
And Sam is so needy...I ran to Wally tonight, which is a hop, skip, and a jump away from my house, within 10 minutes of being there M calls to tell me that Sam is screaming and crying uncontrollably. Now he was asleep when I left. Its like he has an internal clock telling him when I am more than 20 feet away from him. Doesn't help that the poor boy has the hives and can't figure out the trigger :(

Why did I get myself in this predicament? I know that I will have baby fever for the rest of my life, I have come to grips with that. I just don't think I can mentally and physically spread myself any thinner, or our finances. Mark and I will both be working til we are put in the ground, thats not a question. I just feel so discouraged with myself. And I feel bad that I can't see the potential blessing. I don't know anyone that doesn't see having 5 kids in this day and age as irresponsible and I shouldn't give a flying fig, but I do. I hate people to judge my family.
I really need to test, I know I do......